The Foorce

Even though only one of my kids has a true disability, in the most technical sense all of my children have “special needs.” And I don’t mean special in the “my-kids-are-so-much-more-special-than-yours” sense (despite the title). In fact, I’m counting on the fact that your kids are more special than mine in some ways, and that even you yourself have a special need or two.

Sometimes it’s just too darn easy to judge or lose patience with James for being weirrrr… I mean, particular about so many things (so, so many). But last night as I was talking to my mom about struggling with the particularities of another child of mine, it became startlingly clear that all of my kids were weirdos. Yep, big ol’ weirdos. And I have no idea where they get it from, because their father and I are just as normal and boring as two people could be.

So for a little fun, tonight’s Top Ten is another mystery edition. Below is a list of items that make my children special – can you figure out which preference belongs to who? Remember, James is 12, M is 3 and A will be 2 next week. You might be surprised when the answers are revealed.

And yes, I know it’s more than ten – this was seriously a little too easy in my opinion. Should I be worried?

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Top Ten: Ways My Kids Are More Special Than Yours

1. Can’t stand having sticky hands, the term “sticky” including hands having glitter, paint, or any kind of food on them, or my personal favorite, hands that are not quite dry after washing them.

2. Will not tolerate food touching or even being on the same plate, even if all of the food is well-liked.

3. Don’t stir the fruit into the yogurt unless you want to witness this child have a meltdown.

4. Needs a hug, kiss and high five before someone leaves, 2 out of the 3 won’t do.

5. Tags need to be cut off, especially visible ones. Not just on their clothing but on stuffed animals and other people’s clothing as well.

6. The light has to be on, but the right amount of dim in order to go to bed without a fuss.

7. Ramen noodles must be eaten with a fork.

7a. Ramen noodles must be eaten with a spoon. Come on, tell me you don’t have a preference. If you say you’ve never eaten Ramen I don’t believe you.

8. Fruit will only be eaten when cut up, but then will be eaten in vast quantities.

9. Willing puts face under the water of a freezing pool, but if water gets on face while having hair washed goes ballistic.

10. Screams frantically and runs from the noise of hand mixer or blender, unless able to press buttons themselves.

11. Cries over a cockroach but willing catches cicadas, grasshoppers and frogs barehanded.

11a. Delights in finding a cockroach but cries if a housefly is too close for comfort.

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Come on, fess up – what makes your kid so special?