The Foorce

This special combo edition of the Monday Minute/ “Top Ten” is brought to you for the first time ever courtesy of baby #4’s impending birth. We’ll likely be welcoming the not-so-little guy (nearly 10 lb already) sometime in the next 48 hours so I thought one last post before that point would be a good idea. And James must have known it because he unleashed a whole boatload of material for me to use today.

So without further adieu I present  Top Ten Monday Minutes – In One Day. It’s not exactly ten but that’s because it’s oh-so-real. I’ve said it before, but seriously, who could make this stuff up?

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1. (M is standing up eating muffin on plate)

Me: What are you doing?

M: Standing like mom to eat food. James, stand up like mom to eat your breakfast!

James: No, I’ll eat like Dad. Mom, can you get me a fork and knife?

Me: James, you’re eating oatmeal.

James: Yeah, but I’m sitting.

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2. (On subway)

James (loudly): So can I do something to earn my ipod today?

Me: I don’t know, like what?

James: Chores?

Me: We’ll see.

James (to woman beside him): Like vacuuming, throwing my clothes in the laundry, polishing our silverware.

Me: When have you ever polished silverware?

James: I could.

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3. (On return subway ride)

James: So remember when my Uncle K showed me those inappropriate things on my ipod?

Me (glancing around at the other riders nervously): Like what?

James: You know, that site dad said was inappropriate?

Me: Shhhh…. the cartoons?

James: They were really inappropriate for kids. 

Me: Can we talk about this another time?

(Disclaimer: I think they were decided to be inappropriate for having words like “shut up” in them)

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4. (still on the subway…..)

James: So when things go wrong that’s violence, right?

Me: What?

James: Like if something goes wrong at school?

Me: Violence? Violent how?

James: Like bullying?

Me: Bullying is bad but not always violent.

James: Or when something is hard.

Me: No, again that is not violent.

James (loudly): Oh, I know – explosives are violent! Like if something blows up it is violent. But not bullies – they’re just bad.

Me (trying to avoid eye contact with everyone on the train): So what did you like at the zoo today, bud?

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5. (watching planes overhead on walk home)

James: Hey, remember when we flew to that other country this summer? It was so far away and we flew on one of those planes like that to a special country to visit our new family?

Me: You mean Buffalo?

James: Yeah.

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6. (at the table)

James: You know what I like about this soup? It’s made from preciously good tomatoes.

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7. (still at the table)

James: Let me wipe this tomato from my mouth so I can talk to you about something important (wipes mouth). Let’s talk about fire safety.

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8. (being tucked in)

Me: So tomorrow Dad is going to get you up and onto the bus because I have to go to the doctor extra early.

James: Does Dad know?

Me: Yes, he is very excited to stay home from work and spend time with you guys.

James: No, does he know that the baby is going to pop out at the doctor?

Me: I hope not. But yes, Dad knows the baby is coming very soon.

James: Does he know the baby is going to cry and poop a lot?

Me: I’m not sure about that one.

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9. (James farts loudly as I sit on his bed to read)

James: Excuse me.

Me: Gross, James. Come on.

James: It’s okay because I said excuse me.

Me: It’s still kind of gross.

James: A little gas is good if you use your manners.

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And on that note, I’ll see you all on the other side 🙂