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Monday Minute: Peanuts in my pocket

As moving day nears we’ve been going out to dinner a lot more than usual. One of the kids’ favorite things at Five Guys are the vats of peanuts you can snack on while waiting for your food. Though James had consumed an entire cheeseburger and bucket of fries (unusually large amount of food for him) he wanted to bring more peanuts with him for the walk home. I gave him a small handful, immediately regretting this move because of the distraction they were sure to become. Trying to remedy the situation I took the peanuts back and said, “Here James, let’s keep them in your shirt pocket so you can snack and walk safely down the street.” Peanuts in James’s pocket? Obviously only a crazed, stressed-out pregnant woman would make a move like that.

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James is in italics, my responses are in bold.

Hey, hold the door open – pay attention!

Mom, it’s dangerous to have peanuts in my pocket.

What?

It’s too dangerous.

Look ahead while you’re walking – that’s crazy talk.

It’s not good to have them in this pocket – get them out.

Use your manners, it’s not a big deal.

It’s not valid.

Valid?

It’s not appropriate to put peanuts there.

Fine. (I take the 5 peanuts out of his pocket and hand them to him.)

5 minutes later, still walking home

Hey mom, want to play?

Play what?

I planned out a peanut matching game. Want to play?

Sure.

Okay, question 1: Which one would an elephant eat?

How is that matching? Okay, how about that big one?

All of them. Question 2, which one has an opening?

That one.

Good job. Question 3 – which one is the saltiest?

How am I supposed to know?

You can lick each one.

No thanks. How about that one?

See the salt on this one? Okay, next question – which ones match? Look carefully.

Those two.

Right. Since you got a point, you win this invisible bag of money. 

Wow, really? I’ll use it to pay for my invisible new wardrobe.

Walking into the house several minutes later

Okay, here – since you played the game you can have these peanuts for a prize.

Thanks.

But I need that bag of money back.

Monday Minute: Thanksgiving Summary, In James’s Words

November 28, 2011 1 comment

Who am I kidding? I’m lucky to get the Monday Minute out at all today, let alone with an intro. However, as will be apparent in a second, some of us weather the holiday hangover better than others. So without further adieu…

Setting: Walking to school this morning.

My responses to James are in bold. 

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I’m going to go to bed early tonight. You definitely need to go to bed early tonight so you aren’t so grumpy tomorrow morning. I need to get more sleep – it’s cold, brrrr! Why is that dog sniffing? What dog? He is sniffing if he senses anything bad. He is sniffing because he is smelling for food.

So did you have a nice Thanksgiving break? I had a fun time with grandma and grandpa this weekend! But we couldn’t find the treasure in Central Park (geo-caching). We looked and looked and looked all over the park but we just couldn’t find that treasure. Oh well, right? Darn, right? What was your favorite thing about Thanksgiving? Eating turkey. And watching the parade. The day parade. And watching the floats get blown up and the little baby with the hat on TV. Wasn’t that little baby so cute? what baby? The one on TV at the parade wearing the hat. Wow, there’s a full grown baby right there, mom! There’s Wang Chen’s! (table tennis club) You know what the hardest baseball level is? Level? Difficult…. hitting homeruns… you know what the pitcher did? There was a lot of sweat sweating down his face. a lot of sweat. sweating. he was really sweaty. What baseball? On the wii. Wii Sports, ya know? Did you like to visit with everyone? We looked and looked for that treasure but we just couldn’t find it. What else did we do? went to bryant park ice skating and ate kettle corn. yum. kettle corn, right? 

See? Today I’m going to change it up. I wiped the sadness off of my face – see? See? And I put on the happy. It’s important not to be screamy in the morning. Hey maybe there are baby horses in that big truck. Or maybe a load of Wii games. I think they’re filming a movie. Like Garfield? Garfield is a movie already. Like Garfield 2 or 4 or 5? Nate always gets in trouble. Cool motorcycle! Nate? That was so fast! Did you see the motorcycle? Look ahead James. Did you see it? How fast was it going? I think it was the fastest i have ever seen! It was going 130 miles per hour! (Car horn blares next to us, James jumps) What’s that honking for? Stop honking? There’s another one! Why are those cars honking? Honnnnnnnkkkkkk. Stop it cars! Honk. Lots of honking this morning. please look straight ahead, you’re in the street. James, look ahead with your eyes!

they’re honking alot! So are you excited for school this morning? What’s next? What? After Thanksgiving is Christmas! See there’s our tree man. See him? See all of those trees? We’ll buy more later. We bought one tree, that’s enough. Yeah, some people need 4 trees though. No, most people have one tree. But some have 2 or 4. Most people have just one – we are not buying any more trees this year. Tell Santa I’m going to change it up, see? And tell Pepper (our Elf On The Shelf) I changed it up. He’s going to see. Tell him I changed it up. Then I’ll get some cool presents, right? Maybe. He’ll see us in the tree and if I’m happy he will bring them to me. What’s that clopping sound? That noise is your boots, mom! Your boots are clopping! Clopclopclopclopclop…. clop clop……… clopclopclopclopclopclopclopclop. Okay, James. What sound does a turkey make? What sound does Santa make? Not clop clop. Nope, those are his reindeer.

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