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What Do You Call It When…
“…you ride a horse with no legs?”
I looked at Adam, totally caught off guard as I cleaned up from dinner. “What?” Read more…
Monday Minute: Why was B afraid of D?
I’m going to try “Why did the chicken cross the road?” on them next.
Nope, that’s not some clever trick title. It’s the beginning of a variety of jokes told around the house, ever since nobody got my “Why was 6 afraid of 7” joke. Here’s the dinner conversation this evening:
Brigid (my sister): Hey Adam, why was B afraid of C?
Adam: I can’t do a joke right now.
Brigid: Oh, well….
Adam (finishes chewing): Okay, I’m ready now. Why was B afraid of D? Read more…
Monday Minute: Why sometimes it’s actually worth checking out the Special Features on a DVD
Some other Oompa Loompa fans…
In between dinner and bed, the kids always have “movie time,” which is a fancy name for “stop wrestling and sit quietly on the couch while mom chases peas across the floor.” Anyway, long story short, once the movie is over (or I finish cleaning) everyone knows it’s time to get ready for bed – no muss, no fuss. Except when the special features on said movie are actually special.
The following video is a 2 minute excerpt of the epic dance party we have every time we watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp. One of the special features is learning to dance like an Oompa Loompa for two of the songs (if you haven’t seen this movie, the Oompa Loompa shows throughout are reason enough). Even James, who is sometimes a little embarrassed to be seen dancing with his baby brothers and sister, can’t resist. You can see him start to get into the action at the edge of the screen, right before he breaks it down for you. CLICK HERE to be entertained.
Yes, the Monday Minute is on a Saturday. But technically, it happened on Monday…
Monday Minute: Can I email Fresh Direct about this?
One of the things I love about Fresh Direct is their awesome customer service. Bad produce? Smushed bread? Broken eggs? All it takes is a quick email to customer service and within minutes you receive an earnest reply with an apology and a credit for the unacceptable items. The groceries are delivered in cardboard boxes, and I often leave putting away the produce for last since I just line it along the counter anyway. Well apparently I forgot an entire box of fruit this afternoon. My mistake. Upon opening it, I found this.
Monday Minute: Multitasking (The Orange Rhino Project)
Despite being a professional multitasker (self-proclaimed), I’ve been falling woefully short on my To-Do list lately, as evidenced by the lack of Monday Minutes. It seems as though the more “minutes” I come up with to write about, the less time I have to write them.
A few weeks ago I found a fabulous website about The Orange Rhino challenge. I was inspired by a fellow mommy-blogger who resolved to stop yelling at her four children – reading her story was reading about my own life, and in that moment I decided to take the challenge. I made it through 7 days of not yelling at my kids – it wasn’t easy but it was a good, satisfying week. Of course, I blew it on day 8, then on days 2, 2, 4 and 2 since (what is it with the second day?), not in a monumental way but in a snappy comment after long days and one-too-many spills or accidents.
The reason I’m telling you about Orange Rhino is not because I love public humiliation, but because otherwise you’ll be completely lost in what follows. See, part of the Orange Rhino process is telling people about your mission so that you have support, witnesses and scorekeepers while you struggle – I mean, commit. And some of those people you must tell are your children. So one night I sat down at dinner and told them of my plan, which was basically to keep control when they lost it and to quietly punish them without yelling (and to respect them as human beings, cherish this time in our lives, etc. etc.). I told them they could remind me about not yelling by telling me “Orange Rhino,” and that if I yelled I would lose my gold star at the end of the day. They really took my crusade to heart. In a gleeful, persistent way.
It’s moments like this one that really challenge me. Mark my words, one day I’m going to hit the big time with this Monday Minute. In just a minute, it has laughter, tears, love, angst, fear, stunts, injury and redemption. It’s even got a frightened-woman-in-the-shower scene (cue screechy music here). Read more…
Monday Minute: The Assault
We’ve all been there, right? Screaming, shouting, name-calling, stomping foot, pointed finger, flared nostrils, spittle-spraying mouth agape. And that wasn’t even Adam’s tantrum…
Let me lead up a bit to this most epic Monday Minute. James was off school for Election Day, so I decided we would all go vote together. A long line and 45 minutes later, we escaped, but not until after a minor scuffle with an old man who decided for some unknown reason to pick Adam up and carry him closer to his mother (Adam was being totally fine, counting pumpkins on the wall as I had instructed him to while we waited for our big voting moment). Adam did NOT want to be picked up, and even after him screaming wildly and me shouting across the room to “please put the boy down,” the man brought him over and deposited him, writhing and shrieking on the floor, smiling as if waiting to be thanked. Thanks, buddy.
Fifteen minutes later Adam was recovered enough (or so I thought) – we all walked/scootered a few blocks down to the grocery store, first stopping for hot apple cider and cupcakes. I chatted with another mother as the kids all played nicely together, then headed across the street to the grocery store.
I usually do most of my shopping online but I needed 3-4 special allergen-free items that I can’t get for Ian. The kids all continued to be pleasant and helpful, and as a reward got to pick out character soups, Mario and Disney princess. As we headed toward the checkout I passed a great sale on Eggo waffles – 3 for $5 – and told the kids that they could each pick a flavor before we left. James and Margaret added their choices to the cart while Adam selected a family size box. “Buddy, you have to pick a small box. Those aren’t on sale.”
And that’s where it all went downhill fast. Read more…
Monday Minute: Dinner Conversation
You know how parents complain that they ask “what did you do today?” and the kids say “I don’t know” or “nothing.” Even if we actually didn’t do anything, I’m never going to hear those words. (Sometimes I think “nothing” could even be nice.)
Me: So guys, why don’t we each say our favorite thing we did this week. Mine was making clay habitats with you yesterday. what was yours? Read more…
Monday Minute: Be prepared for a scare this Halloween…
Today is Ian’s first birthday, but since Ryan is rarely home before bedtime on weeknights we already celebrated over the weekend. Despite this I wanted to do something special this evening, not because Ian would actually notice but because the other kids would, and because I’m a glutton for punishment.
Meanwhile, James was recently taken off of one of his more potent medications and has since been coming home from school ravenous, so I’ve been stocking the kitchen with quick and easy things he can make himself. Somehow, microwave popcorn turned into a gourmet event – James goes through the spice cabinet and sprinkles this and that into the bag until he’s satisfied, then shakes it up and devours the entire thing.
To make the following conversation intelligible, I omitted two poopy diaper changes, Adam gagging on a chicken skin and throwing up, Ian screeching “cup” at me every 15 seconds and Margaret dropping her plate of dumplings on the floor. Oh, and James’s mouth never had less than an entire dumpling in it. Ever. It was a birthday celebration for the record books, to be sure. Read more…
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