The Foorce

Not our tree.

1. There’s only time to water you once a day. Trust me, I understand what it feels like to want a drink around 6pm, but take it easy.

2. Try not to feel embarrassed about the eyes and mouth we made for you. Ever since Adam found out about the drinking water thing he knows you’re still alive. And if you’re alive you obviously have to have eyes and a mouth so Margaret can tell if you’re awake or asleep. Duh.

3. You will be touched. Alot. And by touched I really mean swatted, grabbed, hugged, chewed on – the baby really loves the tree. Why are you looking at me like that?  

Here is ours, cowering in the corner as Ian introduces himself.

4. You have to share your ornaments (aka Christmas toys). I know, you were probably not expecting this but everything in our house is apparently for everyone. Toothbrushes, socks, meals, beds… it goes without saying that ornaments would be a group item.

5. But some things will be off limits, so don’t feel too nervous. Those precious photos of our children and Santa – not toys. The awesome paper chain painstakingly made by Aunt Brig and Margaret – not a toy. Popsicle stick Rudolph ornament – obviously, a toy. Candy canes? Right, you get it.

6. It’s noisy here. Most of the time. Margaret will screech loudly if anyone gets too close to you and someone will probably clap or squeal every time we turn on your lights, so brace yourself (lucky we didn’t make you a pair of ears too!).

7. Nothing personal, but James is probably not going to help decorate you. He’s probably not going to touch you much at all because you’re kind of prickly to him and he’s also worried about knocking any needles off of you. But don’t feel bad, he really loves having you here in his own way, and on Christmas he may even forget he hates “the prickles” when he’s digging under you for presents.

8. Ian is not throwing ornaments at you, he’s just desperately trying to put them back on before I notice that your lower branches are bare again. What’s that? Me? I had to throw the bow on top – even with a ladder I wasn’t tall enough to reach this year! Hey, keep staring at me like that and I’ll just take those eyes back.

9. You are in an inclusive environment, where special needs of all kinds are accommodated. You are a celebrated part of this family! We don’t care that some of your branches hang asymmetrically onto the floor (sorry about that), or that some limbs are not strong enough to hold an ornament. We don’t expect you to hold every single ornament worth of memories all by yourself – that’s what walls and bookshelves are for! All we ask is that you do your best to make it through Christmas and you’ll be just fine.

10. Though you will be unceremoniously dumped outside during the first available Treecycle event, we will be sad to see you go. There were other special Christmas trees before you, but you will have spent a time with us that no other tree had, and will be remembered forever in our holiday pictures and hearts. And I’m sure that you’ll leave a few stray needles in the Christmas box for years to come.