The Foorce

James came back into town today after a week in Albany visiting family. I picked him up at Penn Station and trekked back home on the subway, aka The Best Place In The World To Put On A Show. After the initial hugs and excitement were over, Margaret was quickly back to driving James nuts.

James: Margaret, get off of me!

Me: Margaret, give James some space please. James, she’s just excited to see you.

James: She’s laying on me! Margaret, get off!

Margaret (flailing all over him): Can’t we just cuddle?

James: No! Stop it!!

Me: Come on James, be nice. Didn’t you miss her?

James (to me): I missed you.

Me: And your siblings?

James: Why did you leave me alone for so long?

Me: James, you were begging to go to Albany all month. And you were far from alone.

James: I really missed you (face crumples).

Me: Man, you are tired. Let’s get home and rest.

Margaret: James, let’s sing silly songs.

James: No!

Margaret: Down by the baaaayyyy—–

James: Stop it! Mom, make her stop!

Me: I wish I could…

Margaret: where the watermelons grooooowwwwwww—-

James: Margaret you stop it. Right. Now.

Margaret: Back to my hooooommmmmmeeee, I dare not gooooooooo, for if I dooooooo, my mother will sayyyyyyy, did you ever see a bear, kissing a dog (starts giggling madly) down by the bay.

James: No! Margaret, that doesn’t even rhyme! You can’t do that.

Me: Try bear combing his hair.

Margaret: What? That’s crazy!

James (starts giggling despite himself): or a bear eating a chair.

Me: or that…

Margaret (continues singing loudly): back to my hoooommmmme, I dare not gooooooo—–

James (simultaneously): Margaret your bad rhymes are hurting my ears! Mom, this actually has to stop.

Me: Oh, actually?

James: This is serious.

Me: James, chill out.

Margaret (cackling while singing, if that’s possible): Did you ever see my mom, kissing a dom?

James: What?! Don’t say that about my mom!

Margaret: Why? What’s a dom?

James: Dom is not my dad.

Margaret: What is it?

James: Dom is a strange man.

Margaret (pauses, considering): But strange man doesn’t rhyme with mom.

Me: Wow, is that what you got out of that?

James (singing): Did you ever see a mom kissing a llama rhymes.

Me: Mom, llama? Really?

Margaret: Eeeeewwwww.

James: Momma and llama.

Margaret: Did you ever see my mom, kissing a strange man, down byyyyyy the bay.

James: Stop it! Mom doesn’t kiss a strange man! That’s gross.

Me: You tell her. How about we sing “Ants Go Marching?”

Margaret: …. did you ever see a fox, kissing a box… (starts laughing again)

Me: It doesn’t have to be kissing, it can be sitting in or jumping on…

Margaret: Did you ever see a fox sitting in a box?

Me: Sure!

Margaret: That’s silly!

James: Did you ever see a cat jumping on a mat?

Margaret: Did you ever see my mom, kissing…. jumping on a dom!! (Margaret and James start laughing wildly)

Me: Wheels on the Bus?

James: Mom, are you jumping on a strange man?

Me: That doesn’t rhyme.

Margaret: Down by the bayyyyyyyyy…. (kicks James in the head, by accident of course)

James (grabs head in dramatic flair): Owwwww!! She kicked me! Right in the head!

Me: It could be worse – you could be a dom.

James: Can I go back to Albany tomorrow?