The Foorce

(walking home from the drugstore)

James: What’s in the bag?

Me: Ant traps.

James: What else?

Me: Ant spray.

James: What is ant spray?

Me: It kills ants.

James: Is it called Raid?

Me: Yes, Raid gets rid of the ants that are all over our house.

James: The big ones?

Me: And the little ones.

James: And those tiny ones.

Margaret: The little ants are trying to steal our food.

Me: Which is conveniently sprinkled onto the floor each and every meal.

James: Who sprinkles food for them?

Me: All of you.

James: Like for our pet ants?

Me: NO. Not our pets. We don’t want the ants in the house. The spray is to kill them.

James (to woman passing by): We’re ready to take on those ants!

Me: They’re not going to know what hit them.

James (holding up Rite Aid bag in a toast to two elderly men walking by) Let’s spray those ants!

Margaret and Adam (start chanting): Two by two, two by two, the ants go marching across my shoe…

Me: That’s good enough, James.

James (still shouting in pep rally style): We’re gonna spray them, then we’re gonna trap them!

Me: James, calm down. We’re going to kill all of them, that’s it.

James (gasps dramatically): Mom, there’s one!

Margaret (stops chanting, screams): Quick, get the spray!

Me: Not yet.

James: Look, there’s more ants! Quick! Mom, hurry!!

Me: Guys, we don’t need to kill the ants on the sidewalk.

James: But then they’ll come to our house. (it seriously feels like that)

Me: We’ll spray around the house.

James: Can I open these traps now?

Me: No.

James: Can I watch you kill the ants?

Me: No, these are all  poison so you have to stay away.

Adam (jumps out of the stroller): Don’t poison those ants!

James: Look there’s more. And more there! Get the spray get the spray!

Me: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Neighbor (standing in front of our house): Oh, are you having ant problems?

James: Yeah, because my mom left crumbs on the floor.