Monday Minute: How Are You Entertaining Your Kids This Summer?
(walking home from the drugstore)
James: What’s in the bag?
Me: Ant traps.
James: What else?
Me: Ant spray.
James: What is ant spray?
Me: It kills ants.
James: Is it called Raid?
Me: Yes, Raid gets rid of the ants that are all over our house.
James: The big ones?
Me: And the little ones.
James: And those tiny ones.
Margaret: The little ants are trying to steal our food.
Me: Which is conveniently sprinkled onto the floor each and every meal.
James: Who sprinkles food for them?
Me: All of you.
James: Like for our pet ants?
Me: NO. Not our pets. We don’t want the ants in the house. The spray is to kill them.
James (to woman passing by): We’re ready to take on those ants!
Me: They’re not going to know what hit them.
James (holding up Rite Aid bag in a toast to two elderly men walking by) Let’s spray those ants!
Margaret and Adam (start chanting): Two by two, two by two, the ants go marching across my shoe…
Me: That’s good enough, James.
James (still shouting in pep rally style): We’re gonna spray them, then we’re gonna trap them!
Me: James, calm down. We’re going to kill all of them, that’s it.
James (gasps dramatically): Mom, there’s one!
Margaret (stops chanting, screams): Quick, get the spray!
Me: Not yet.
James: Look, there’s more ants! Quick! Mom, hurry!!
Me: Guys, we don’t need to kill the ants on the sidewalk.
James: But then they’ll come to our house. (it seriously feels like that)
Me: We’ll spray around the house.
James: Can I open these traps now?
Me: No.
James: Can I watch you kill the ants?
Me: No, these are all poison so you have to stay away.
Adam (jumps out of the stroller): Don’t poison those ants!
James: Look there’s more. And more there! Get the spray get the spray!
Me: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Neighbor (standing in front of our house): Oh, are you having ant problems?
James: Yeah, because my mom left crumbs on the floor.
Hahahahahahahaha