Monday Minute: Have You Ever Felt Like This At The Beginning Of The Week?
Poop, poop and more poop. And an ant invasion. After a 4-hour dance recital. Ryan’s been working round the clock for the last several weeks, including all of Father’s Day weekend. There is still no soy or dairy in my life. After a couple of quiet months, Adam’s tantrums are baaaaa-aaaaack. The house is an unfathomable mess, despite the weekly housekeeper. Look up “dire” in the dictionary and you will see the massive heap of laundry that was sorted out in Ian’s room to be put away. Two weeks ago.
Then there was the slight medication snafu that resulted in James not sleeping a wink last night. Not. one. wink. Despite caving in around 1:00am and handing him a gameboy, granola bar and glass of water, he continued to weep that he was bored and scared of the room he sleeps in every night and came upstairs to find me every 10-15 minutes through 5 o’clock. Ryan got up at 5:30 for work. Good morning, Monday!
You might be judging me on that gameboy maneuver. You might be thinking, of course he didn’t go to sleep, because he had the gameboy. Just to illuminate the level of desperation, despite his history of sleep issues I have given James an ipod or gameboy in the middle of the night exactly once in the last 4 years, and it was last night. And surprisingly ineffective. But when there’s no break from the kids for weeks on end, I get a little more protective of those wee morning hours.
You might also be sick of hearing about poop. You might be thinking, why does she have to include the word “poop” in every other post? Hi, have we met? It’s not my favorite word either, but my life at this moment revolves around butts. And today I just don’t think there’s a better way to capture the full extent of why our upcoming beach vacation is looking so darn good. It’s absolutely necessary. Not the poop, the beach.
So after the above weekend, this is a glimpse at Monday:
James: Can I play ipod?
Me: No, it’s time for dinner and you’re taking a break because you played electronics all night last night.
James: What kind of rice is this?
Me: It’s couscous.
James: I don’t like couscous.
Me: What? Yes, you do. You eat it all the time.
James: No, I only like rice.
Me: Okay. Well, you could just get nothing for dinner and go to bed.
James: But this couscous is yellow.
Me: It’s curry.
James: It’s gross yellow glop.
Me: Enough.
5 minutes later
James: Can I be excused? The glop is gone.
Me: The couscous?
James: The yellow stuff.
Me: Sure, get into your pajamas.
James: Can I earn –
Me: No. Ipod. No. Wii. No. Gameboy.
James: But –
Me: NO.
James: Mom-
Me: James. NO.
James huffs off upstairs. 5 minutes later…
James: Mooooommmmm!
Me: What?
James: I pooped.
Me: One minute, please, changing your brother.
Margaret (gleefully): Ian and Adam pooped too! (What did I tell you?!) Together!
Me (entering the bathroom): Did you have another accident?
James: Nope. Did you change Ian?
Me: Yep, and Adam too. No accident? I’m going to check.
James: Nope!
Me: Great. Please turn around so I can clean you up.
James: Sure thing!
James turns around to be wiped and starts to gently lower his head into the toilet bowl.
Me: James, what are you doing?!
James: Nothing.
Me: Stop!
James: Okay.
Me: Freeze! Stop putting your head toward the toilet – what are you doing?!
James: I don’t know…..it fits in the oval.
Me: James that is so gross, keep your head away from the toilet.
James: Just checking out the brown molecules.
Me: Oh my God James stop talking.
James: Molecules isn’t a bad word.
Me: Molecules?
James: You know, the molecules. And they’re brown.
Me: You’re done, please go get into your PJs now.
James: Are you so happy I didn’t have an accident this time?
Me: I’m relieved.
James: Are you really impressed?
Me: Relieved.
James: Mom.
Me: What?
James: There’s a charger in my room…
Me: James. Look at me.
James: What?
Me: Look me in the eyes. There will not be a gameboy, ipod or anything else in your room tonight. Do you understand?
James: Mom! I wasn’t even saying that. Don’t say mean things like that to me.
Me: Oh yeah, what were you saying then?
James: My head is also an oval.
Me: ….it doesn’t belong in the toilet.
Seriously, nothing surprises me anymore.
The Foorce 
Seriously Michaela, you have to be the most patient mom I know! Not saying you don’t have your moments, we all do, but you seem to handle everything so well!
Just reading that makes me cringe with guilt….this morning James was a nightmare and I was definitely NOT patient (as you will likely read about soon). It’s always amazing to me how all the patience in the world can be wiped out on a moment’s notice.