The Foorce

Honestly, whenever I write a Monday Minute that involves the subway I think to myself, well, it likely won’t get any crazier than this, which is usually about the time I’m proven 100% wrong. But I really think that this time, it can’t get any crazier than this.

For full effect, I’ll skip an intro on this one except to suggest that you pretend you’re sitting next to James on the crowded subway, who is returning home from another fantastic DMF concert. It’s around 6:30PM. Past dinner, past medication time, past reason.

Me: That was a great concert buddy, what was your favorite song?

James: Superstition.

Me: I mean aside from the one you did.

James: I liked them all.

Me: I liked that one that Daniel and Gerry sang.

James: Except sometimes it’s boring to not play the drums and just sit in the audience.

Me: Yeah, playing drums was fun, but it’s nice to listen to the music too.

James: So what do you have in your bag?

Me: Diapers.

James: Any nuggets?

Me: Nope, sorry. Are you hungry?

James: Yeah, I’m starving.

Me: Well, I have dinner ready for when we get back. I have some banana chips if you want.

James: Nah. What else do you have?

Me: Not much.

James: Burger King?

Me: What? No, no other food except rice crackers for Ian.

James: Darn.

Me: We’ll be home soon.

James: Hey, mom.

Me: Yeah?

James: …

Me:  What?

James (shrugs) Nothing.

Me: Okay.

James: Mom.

Me: Yes, James?

James: So, do you have –

Me: No.

James: Oh.

Me: Look, if you’re starving I’ll get you a treat on the walk home from the subway to tide you over.

James: Like McDonalds?

Me: No, I was thinking like a milkshake or slice of pizza.

James: Oh, I know. How about we go for sushi?

Me: No, we need to grab something quick and walk.

James: Hey, Mom.

Me: We’ll get something soon, please be patient James.

James: Mom.

Me: What?!

James (very casually, yet with projection): I think there’s a rat on my back.

(Woman sitting to the right of James gasps loudly, abruptly stands up and heads toward the nearest exit)

Me (just as casually): What? No there’s not.

James (stands up, looks over shoulder): Oh, don’t worry, it’s just my hood.

Me: Awesome.

James: It’s a furry hood, right? Want to pet it?

(Man on the left, still bravely sitting next to James, is shaking with suppressed laughter. Or fear?)

———————————————

Most people didn’t even look up from their newspapers or iphones.