The Foorce

(walking home from the park)

Me: So, Brig might take you to music tomorrow.

Margaret: We haven’t seen Brig in a long time!

Me: She’ll come back for dinner so you can see her too. Are you excited James?

James: You know, there are no lights in West Virginia.

Me: What?

James: People don’t have lights there because there is no electricity in West Virginia.

Me: No?

James: And there are no bathrooms in West Virginia.

Me: I’m sorry, what in the world are we talking about?

James: People all have to pee outside in holes there, right?

Me: Seriously, James? Now why would they do that?

James: Well, everyone in West Virginia lives in a tent and has to go outside to pee.

Me: What?

James: Peeing on your tent is no good so you have to go far outside the tent. And dig a hole.

(guy walking past snickers audibly)

Me: People in West Virginia have bathrooms.

James: I think those holes can have other stuff in there too, right, Mom? Like —

Me: NO, James. Shhhhhhhhh…

James: Uncle Sean pees outside.

Me: Is that where you’re getting your information from?

James: He lives in a tent.

Me: Not quite.

James: Well, we haven’t seen Sean in a while, right?

Me: I think I’m starting to understand your stream of consciousness here.

James: My tent would be far from a stream too – so we don’t get wet.

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Disclaimer: My brother works as a raft guide in WV and lives outdoors much of the year. I am assuming – no, praying – that this is where James got his information from. For the record, I know that West Virginians enjoy a variety of bathroom and housing facilities.