The Foorce

With 4 kids, “Mooooommmmmm, I pooped!” is one of the most common (and least enjoyable) phrases thrown around the house each day. James in particular, who still needs help with multiple self-care skills, likes to have full conversations while I’m helping him out in the bathroom in one way or another. Truly, one of the highlights of my day.

But once in a while, wiping butts can actually be funny. Like today…

J: Mooooooommmmmm, I pooped!

M (coming into the bathroom): Thanks for that announcement.

J: Will you be cleaning my butt today?

M: Really?

J: Boys have butts, but girls have… (trails off)

Let me pause here to say that I don’t think James knows what girls have, and no, we haven’t yet had “the birds-and-bees talk.” It’s something I look forward to with equal parts dread and terror, and hope to put off for as long as possible. But more on this fun subject another time.

M (not knowing where this is going) ….what do girls have?

J (giggles): Hineys.

M: What?

J: Girls have hineys, right? And boys have butts.

M: Is that so?

J: And babies have hineys, but when they are big kids they turn into butts.

M: Where did you learn this?

J: I don’t know… I think I just know it.

M: Well, hineys is just another word for butts. Hineys and butts are the same thing.

J: Oh.

(pause)

J: Like butts…… and tocks. Butts. Tocks. Tocks. Butt-tocks. Right mom, buttocks?

M: Yep, buttocks is another word for butts.

J (ambling out of the bathroom): Or anthrax.

M: No, not at all like anthrax.

J: Just kind of.

M: No.

J: Boys and girls shouldn’t play with anthrax.

M: Nope.

J: Or butts.

Well, he got me there.