The Foorce

As moving day nears we’ve been going out to dinner a lot more than usual. One of the kids’ favorite things at Five Guys are the vats of peanuts you can snack on while waiting for your food. Though James had consumed an entire cheeseburger and bucket of fries (unusually large amount of food for him) he wanted to bring more peanuts with him for the walk home. I gave him a small handful, immediately regretting this move because of the distraction they were sure to become. Trying to remedy the situation I took the peanuts back and said, “Here James, let’s keep them in your shirt pocket so you can snack and walk safely down the street.” Peanuts in James’s pocket? Obviously only a crazed, stressed-out pregnant woman would make a move like that.

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James is in italics, my responses are in bold.

Hey, hold the door open – pay attention!

Mom, it’s dangerous to have peanuts in my pocket.

What?

It’s too dangerous.

Look ahead while you’re walking – that’s crazy talk.

It’s not good to have them in this pocket – get them out.

Use your manners, it’s not a big deal.

It’s not valid.

Valid?

It’s not appropriate to put peanuts there.

Fine. (I take the 5 peanuts out of his pocket and hand them to him.)

5 minutes later, still walking home

Hey mom, want to play?

Play what?

I planned out a peanut matching game. Want to play?

Sure.

Okay, question 1: Which one would an elephant eat?

How is that matching? Okay, how about that big one?

All of them. Question 2, which one has an opening?

That one.

Good job. Question 3 – which one is the saltiest?

How am I supposed to know?

You can lick each one.

No thanks. How about that one?

See the salt on this one? Okay, next question – which ones match? Look carefully.

Those two.

Right. Since you got a point, you win this invisible bag of money. 

Wow, really? I’ll use it to pay for my invisible new wardrobe.

Walking into the house several minutes later

Okay, here – since you played the game you can have these peanuts for a prize.

Thanks.

But I need that bag of money back.