The Foorce

I’m pretty sure I wore a bewildered or bemused expression on my face for most of the evening, and am even more certain that it would be better to transcribe than to try and further explain the bizarre conversations I took part in today.

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3:30pm – walking home from school

James: Why do people yawn?

Me: Why do you think they yawn?

James: Because it’s morning.

Me: What?

James: And you know what morning means – breakfast.

Me: What does that have to do with yawning?

James: Why does that ambulance have its siren on?

Me: Why do you think?

James: Because it’s an emergency and someone is hurt.

Me: Why do fire trucks put sirens on?

James: To get to a fire.

Me: Why do police?

James: They put it on when they see robbers running away. Robbers steal toys from little children.

Me: What? How about the police help people in emergencies?

James: How do you like my haircut?

Me: I think it’s very handsome.

James: Why?

Me: Why what?

James: Why is it handsome?

Me: Why?

James: Because of Alex.

Me: Who’s Alex?

James: The man who cut my hair.

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4:45PM

Me (to Adam): Where is your peach?

A: Bath

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5:15PM

Me (to Margaret): Where are your underwear?

Marg: I need new ones.

Me: Again? Why?

Marg: Because I peed.

Me: In your underwear?

Marg: No! In the potty. I already wore those underwear.

Me: Are they wet?

Marg: No. I need fresh ones.

James: I need fresh ones too.

Me: What? Why?

James: I don’t know.

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5:25PM

James: Mom, can you come get this?

Me: what?

James: Mom, can you help me? Can you get this thing out of the shower?

Me: What? Is it a bug?

James: No.

Me: What is it?

James: I think it’s a piece of fruit.

Me: What?

James: It’s fruit.

Me: What fruit?

James: A peach.

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6:20PM – Dinner

Marg: Can I have a napkin?

Me (to James): Can you please pass this napkin to your sister?

James takes the napkin, wipes his mouth with it and crumples it into a ball next to his plate.

Me: James, can you please pass this napkin to your sister?

James takes the napkin, wipes his mouth with it and crumples it into a ball next to his plate.

Marg: Mom!

Me: James, can you please take this napkin and look at me? Can you not wipe your mouth with this one and pass it to your sister?

James does not respond, I toss a napkin to Marg across the table. Us girls share a look.

James: Can I get another shoulder?

Me: What?

James: Another shoulder of crackers?

Me: Do you mean another sleeve?

James: A pack of crackers?

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7:00PM 

Me (checking the shower, oops): Where is the peach?

James: The peach?

Me: Where is it?

James: What peach?

Me: Where is the peach in the shower!?

James: Oh, you removed it.

Me: I did?

James: Yeah, you removed it.

Me: Where did I put it?

James: I don’t know.

Me: I don’t know either.

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Bonus Question: How many questions did I actually answer?