The Foorce

Many posts I express self doubt, regret, uncertainty, exasperation or disappointment about a recent parenting decision or experience. These feelings are natural, and I personally believe it can be therapeutic to voice them in a supportive forum such as this (rather than taking it out on the kids!).

But this will not be the case today, my friends. Today I will go for the supernatural in honor of all of the mothers out there who are as awesome as I am. Today I will list all of the ways in which I am overqualified for any other position than that of Really Superbly Amazing Mother.

In other job fields, employees are recognized and receive appreciation in many ways – from their bosses or coworkers, through raises and bonuses, through Employee of the Month programs, or by having their work displayed. While out with the children I am often asked “Do you work?” “No,” I reply. “I get to stay home with my children.”

Hahahahahahahahaha. After I am done wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes, I want to defend my decision while also saying “Yes, I work – FULL time.'” But, I know that this kind of question is usually not meant in a snide or condescending way. In fact, most days I am able to reflect on how lucky I am to be able to stay home with the kids, and I do think that working outside the home right now would be unbelievably difficult (props to the moms who pull it off daily!).

It’s probably better that I don’t have a job outside of the home anyway – I mean, for one thing, who could afford me? My experience and unique skills alone overqualify me for many positions. I mean, in my “past life” I was a music teacher – at the college level, elementary/ middle school level, as a church director and privately. Add that to my current skill sets as mother, wife, maid, chef, secretary, nurse, teacher, disciplinarian, accountant, chauffeur, personal trainer, event planner, playmate, therapist and let’s not forget pooper scooper (since I devoted a whole post to it) and my resume is downright formidable. Secondly, what would my family do without me if I got a “real job?” Who would pack lunches, play games, write notes to teachers, help with homework, call doctors, make paper bag puppets,  or bake cookies, often more than one activity at a time? Even if you could find a very talented person to take over the basics, who would know when a fake yawn meant that James was upset about something, or which bribe to offer my toddler so she would wear her eye patch, or what kind of cry meant the baby was hungry versus being tired or frustrated? Who would know how to avoid possible freak outs over “leaving James in the taxi,” my toddler pouring her own cereal or my 7 month old needing to sit by the Legos to watch?

I can have a lengthy conversation with a loan officer while coloring Elmo and nursing a baby. I turn folding and putting away laundry into a racing game between James and my 2 year old daughter. I can cook a quality dinner with my baby strapped on in the Bjorn and my toddler daughter “helping” me, while calling out homework questions to James in the dining room. I often strap both babies into the Bjorn and Ergo and carry them both so that I only have to bring one umbrella outside on a rainy day. I still bake cookies with the kids as an after school treat. I can take my children into a toy store and leave without buying anything and without anyone crying about it. I make my kids think that buying Life cereal is a special treat, and that sushi is better than McDonalds. I can sleep for less than 5 hours a night for an entire week and still stay up long enough to spend time alone with my husband at least once over the weekend. I know what face means that James is about to have an accident and my toddler is about to climb something unconventional. I don’t lose my patience for the first five times repeating “get your shoes on” to James while my toddler is streaking in the hallway and my 7 month old is screaming. I can type an email with one finger while standing next to the computer rocking a crying baby and talking Margaret down from the windowsill. I read a bedtime story to the kids every night, sometimes individually when I have those extra minutes. I still feel lucky to be a SAHM and still think my kids are the greatest, even at the end of a dozen time outs, tantrums, and accidents in one day.

So to all the mothers out there who are insanely overqualified, working or at home, special needs children or not, I can’t offer you that raise or plaque or special ceremony, but I can offer you my sincere appreciation and recognition for all that you do.

Happy Mother’s Day to you! And me!