Waking James up in the morning is always a special joy in my life, but Mondays are often the hardest. Still suffering from the loss of a precious hour over the weekend I approached his room this morning with no small amount of dread. And a plan. Little did I know that James had been secretly forming a counterattack. Read more…
Apparently I need to brush up on family relations…
(James is sitting in the kitchen while I make him breakfast, Ian in his bouncy chair nearby)
James: Hi, Ian. Hi, little Ian! So, is Ian my cousin?
James: Ian’s my cousin?
Me: Are you serious? Read more…
After another oh-so-fun wake up of James this morning that included being kicked at (he said he was just trying to kick the covers), being called a bully, and James smacking himself dramatically in the forehead while loudly groaning “I’m too tired ” for 25 minutes, I was pretty done with him and he knew it. And, as usual, by the time he came downstairs for breakfast, he was dressed, smiling and ready to (intensely) pretend the last half hour didn’t happen. Having been up since 4am with my 3-month old, I wasn’t in the mood to let him off so easily. But you have to give the kid an A for effort… Read more…
In the morning:
James: (to himself upon coming downstairs and seeing the tree) Whoaaaaa…. I knew it! I knew he would come if I just stayed in my room. (to me) So who do you think Santa is the most proud of for sleeping good?
James: Who is that really big box for?
James: I really loved Christmas today.
Me: Me too. What was your favorite part?
James: Those presents.
Me: What was your favorite present?
James: The ones I opened.
Me: It’s not just about presents, though.
James: Do you think Jesus loved his presents too?
After losing ipod James tried to sweet talk me back into letting him play with it. I think he thought he was being subtle…
James is in italics, I’m in bold.
(In the shower)
Rinse off and get out please.
I can make you happier than you’ve ever been.
When I get clean in the shower without whining, right?
Really happy, right?
(Changed into my PJs – a bleach-stained tank top and sweats)
Wow, that shirt looks really nice on you, mom.
It looks great, right?
I said thank you James.
So, what can I do?
Want to help me get dinner ready?
Aren’t you happy?
Sure I am.
Am I happier than you? (trick question for a kid trying to prove how amazingly happy he is now)
You’re the happiest woman alive. I’m the happiest boy.
You lost your ipod, James. Right?
What?! Aren’t you proud of me?
I‘m proud of your behavior for the last 30 minutes.
(grumbling to self) I made you happy. I want that ipod now.
You look nice.
This morning James was a little off after a restless night. I’m thinking “handfuls of protein” is way more catchy than binders of women, right?
James is in italics, I’m in bold.
(the third time) James, hurry up, we have to brush teeth before the bus gets here.
(ambling over to the stairs) So mom, that cereal has a lot of protein.
But not sodium (sounds disappointed).
Well, sodium is salt – you don’t want alot of sodium because it’s not healthy.
Yeah, only on pretzels? It’s healthy in chips too.
Nope, still not healthy. Please, please go into the bathroom.
Bleh. Sodium is gross, right mom?
But at least I had 3 handfuls of protein today.
Yeah, I ate some with my hands. And one hundred spoonfuls of it (trips over the baby bouncer and falls to the ground)
Good grief, whats going on with you this morning, James?
I think I must need more protein.
In a month filled with medical crises, epic storms, unexpected bills and chaotic schedules it is more important than ever to reflect on all I have to be thankful for (and still easier than ever).
As the holiday season arrives in full force, I’m truly grateful for:
This special combo edition of the Monday Minute/ “Top Ten” is brought to you for the first time ever courtesy of baby #4′s impending birth. We’ll likely be welcoming the not-so-little guy (nearly 10 lb already) sometime in the next 48 hours so I thought one last post before that point would be a good idea. And James must have known it because he unleashed a whole boatload of material for me to use today.
So without further adieu I present Top Ten Monday Minutes – In One Day. It’s not exactly ten but that’s because it’s oh-so-real. I’ve said it before, but seriously, who could make this stuff up?
1. (M is standing up eating muffin on plate)
Me: What are you doing?
M: Standing like mom to eat food. James, stand up like mom to eat your breakfast!
James: No, I’ll eat like Dad. Mom, can you get me a fork and knife?
Me: James, you’re eating oatmeal.
James: Yeah, but I’m sitting.
2. (On subway)
James (loudly): So can I do something to earn my ipod today?
Me: I don’t know, like what?
Me: We’ll see.
James (to woman beside him): Like vacuuming, throwing my clothes in the laundry, polishing our silverware.
Me: When have you ever polished silverware?
James: I could.
3. (On return subway ride)
James: So remember when my Uncle K showed me those inappropriate things on my ipod?
Me (glancing around at the other riders nervously): Like what?
James: You know, that site dad said was inappropriate?
Me: Shhhh…. the cartoons?
James: They were really inappropriate for kids.
Me: Can we talk about this another time?
(Disclaimer: I think they were decided to be inappropriate for having words like “shut up” in them)
4. (still on the subway…..)
James: So when things go wrong that’s violence, right?
James: Like if something goes wrong at school?
Me: Violence? Violent how?
James: Like bullying?
Me: Bullying is bad but not always violent.
James: Or when something is hard.
Me: No, again that is not violent.
James (loudly): Oh, I know – explosives are violent! Like if something blows up it is violent. But not bullies – they’re just bad.
Me (trying to avoid eye contact with everyone on the train): So what did you like at the zoo today, bud?
5. (watching planes overhead on walk home)
James: Hey, remember when we flew to that other country this summer? It was so far away and we flew on one of those planes like that to a special country to visit our new family?
Me: You mean Buffalo?
6. (at the table)
James: You know what I like about this soup? It’s made from preciously good tomatoes.
7. (still at the table)
James: Let me wipe this tomato from my mouth so I can talk to you about something important (wipes mouth). Let’s talk about fire safety.
8. (being tucked in)
Me: So tomorrow Dad is going to get you up and onto the bus because I have to go to the doctor extra early.
James: Does Dad know?
Me: Yes, he is very excited to stay home from work and spend time with you guys.
James: No, does he know that the baby is going to pop out at the doctor?
Me: I hope not. But yes, Dad knows the baby is coming very soon.
James: Does he know the baby is going to cry and poop a lot?
Me: I’m not sure about that one.
9. (James farts loudly as I sit on his bed to read)
James: Excuse me.
Me: Gross, James. Come on.
James: It’s okay because I said excuse me.
Me: It’s still kind of gross.
James: A little gas is good if you use your manners.
And on that note, I’ll see you all on the other side